


Haunted

by Storyteller_of_the_Forest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, No Slash, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 17:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16351418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_of_the_Forest/pseuds/Storyteller_of_the_Forest
Summary: The War of the Gauntlet is over. Thanos was defeated. Life has slowly gone back to normal, but the survivors must still live with the aftermath. Thor is finding that's even more difficult than he ever imagined. Even with Loki's help, he's struggling. Suffering from flashbacks and anxiety attacks, the god of thunder is questioning his ability to lead his people and he doesn't know why he can't move past the horrible memories of Thanos. As Thor struggles with his memories, Loki tries to figure out how to care for and support his brother. Neither of them know quite what to do.(Or: sometimes it's really tough being brothers)





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> So, this originally started out as a flashback in my current multi-chap fic, "Cursed", but after it exceeded five pages, I realized it would be better as a one-shot.
> 
> This would definitely fit into my series of one-shots entitled, "When the Dust Settles" and the story itself takes place a short time after the story, "The Unlikely Guardian". Thor is struggling with PTSD and anxiety from the War of the Gauntlet. I thought of this flashback because I'm very interested in the idea of Loki trying to figure out how to be a care-giver. That is probably the most unnatural role for him, but it's something I know he'd try because he likes doing the unexpected. And also, he really loves his brother (even though he tries to deny it).
> 
> I can't think of much else to say right now. I've had a somewhat long day :-S
> 
> REGULAR WARNINGS
> 
> Haven't seen Infinity War and am not going to see Infinity War. I don't do romantic ships, especially not between family members. If you're into that kind of thing, go elsewhere please (and don't tag my work with incest ships, please).
> 
> In my mind, after the battle with Thanos, Thor left the Avengers to take care of his people. The original Avengers disbanded and there's a mostly new group of superheroes taking up the mantel. I feel like the original team earned a retirement after defeating Thanos. However, they all still keep in touch and visit each other on occasion.
> 
> I'm still somewhat new to writing fics. So I apologize for any mistakes, mis-characterizations, formatting errors, or just any glaring errors. Please be gentle.
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. I don't own anything, obviously all characters and recognizable aspects belong to Marvel.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story and thank you for reading :)

* * *

 

Thor woke up feeling tired, a feeling he’d become used to. For a few minutes, he kept his eye closed, hoping he would fall back asleep, but found he could not. He looked around the room, finding it empty. Glancing to the window, Thor watched the autumn weather for a moment. Closing his eye and swallowing, Thor tossed back the blankets and swung up into a sitting position.

“Loki?” he called. There was no response. Thor frowned as he got to his feet and left the bedroom, looking about the main area of the small home.

_“You’ll…never…be…a…god.”_

The trickster wasn’t in the main room, so Thor wandered into the kitchen. It was empty. The god of thunder started opening cabinets and drawers, feeling rather foolish for doing so. Where was his brother? If he was going out for whatever reason, Loki always left Thor a note or texted him.

_Everywhere he looked was death. It was over. They had lost. He had failed his people. His friends. His brother._

Opening the back door, Thor looked in the yard, his eye wandering to the small garden they had planted. It was bare, now that the weather was cooler, but the Odinsons found they were surprisingly adept at growing vegetables and other plants.

_He held Loki’s body, his unnaturally cold body. Loki’s temperature was naturally cool, but not like this. No breath escaped him, no strong steady heartbeat thumped against Thor’s fingers. “Why? Why did you do such a foolish thing? Why did you have to choose this damn time to be selfless? I’ll never forgive you for this, Loki! I will never forgive you for doing this! How could you!?” His thoughts became a wordless hum and he could only weep as he rocked Loki. Gods, he hoped Loki knew how much he loved him. “I’m sorry I failed you brother.”_

Thor shivered as he closed the door again, feeling his heartrate climbing. He started panting as he felt short of breath. His chest felt uncomfortably constricted and Thor was desperate for a distraction. Loki was probably just out for a walk or perhaps he went to city hall to pick something up. The god of thunder had missed quite a few days of work lately and Loki had been bringing home files and notes from meetings so they could work at night. The trickster would likely return any minute. Loki always came back.

Moving back into the kitchen, Thor opened the fridge and grabbed the carton of eggs in there. He brought them over to the stove.

_“You’ll…never…be…a…god.”_

Pulling down a glass bowl and retrieving a skillet, Thor next turned on the burners. He cracked the eggs and beat them for a bit, then poured the eggs onto the skillet. Grabbing a spatula, Thor started pushing the eggs around. He gritted his teeth when he thought of Thanos’ voice, his cruel booming voice, taunting him. His heart started beating faster and fear began to course through his veins.

_“You’ll…never…be…a…god.”_

_“No more resurrections.”_

The god of thunder suddenly couldn’t breathe as memories flooded his mind and his vision went white. Stumbling back, Thor collided with the counter, sank to the ground, and gripped the sides of his head, his entire body shaking violently. Loki was gone, he was gone forever, he was never coming back. He was alone, all alone…

_*_

He didn’t know how much time past. None of his senses seemed to be working properly and he was aware of very little around him. He could smell something burning, an awful rubbery scent. His vision was just blobs of colors, but he could faintly see the dim orange of flames and a bit of smoke. The air seemed to become thinner, but Thor wasn’t entirely sure since he was already having difficulty breathing. He flinched when he heard the shrill, ear-piercing scream of the smoke alarm. Pressing himself in the corner, Thor tried to snap himself out of the state he was in. It felt like his heart was about to burst from his chest and he still couldn’t breathe.

He suddenly heard a key turning in a lock, the front door opening, and then a loud curse and something falling to the floor. Multiple somethings, possibly, Thor wasn’t entirely sure.

“SEVEN HELLS! THOR!?”

Thor let out a breath of relief when he heard the trickster’s shout. He heard Loki run into the kitchen. A blur of black and green rushed over to the stove. The trickster quickly twisted the knob, turning off the burner. Switching on the overhead fan, Loki next grabbed a lid and threw it over the skillet. He rushed over to the window, unlatching it and throwing it open, allowing the smoke to escape. Soon, the screech of the smoke alarm stopped, but the alarms in Thor’s mind continued blaring.

“Brother, what hap—” Loki stopped when he noticed the state Thor was in. Loki sighed, shoulders dropping, and scrubbed his brow.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” Thor managed to pant out. The fog of panic was starting to clear from his mind, but he was still shaking violently. His vision was clearing a little more and he could see Loki get an oven mitt and grab the skillet, which he dropped in the sink. Turning on the water, Thor heard sizzling as water hit the hot surface.

“It’s fine. Just…it’s fine,” Loki murmured as he focused on extinguishing the last of the flames.

“I-I-I didn’t know where you were,” Thor told him, running a shaking hand over his face, which was soaked in tears and sweat.

Loki sank down to his elbows, running his hands over his face. “I knew I had forgotten something. Apologies, brother, I meant to leave you a note that I would be out running errands but it slipped my mind.”

The trickster straightened up again and moved over to the god of thunder, who was still shaking and panting. The sound of that crack, that gruesome crack, was echoing in his mind and Thor couldn’t think of anything else. He was terrified even though he knew there was nothing to be afraid of and it frustrated him. The god of thunder hated feeling like this. He hated having these episodes. Thor glanced to his wrist when he felt Loki’s cool fingers press down slightly and the panic began anew. His brother was so cold, Loki felt so cold. He had been so very cold on the ship. Thor hadn’t been able to help him. He hadn’t been able to protect him.

A look of concern colored Loki’s face as his brows knitted together and Thor knew it was likely because of his racing pulse.

“Thor, listen to me,” Loki said calmly, sitting beside his brother and allowing Thor to latch onto him. “Remember what we talked about when you find yourself in one of these states? Count down from ten. Slowly. Try to breathe slowly, deep breaths. In…and out. In…and out.”

Thor closed his eye and started counting down from ten, listening to his brother’s calm and steady voice. He slumped against the trickster, resting his head on Loki’s chest, weeping when he heard the strong beat of his brother’s heart. Loki wrapped an arm around him, continuing to speak in a calm and even tone, patiently waiting for the episode to end. After a moment, Thor’s breathing evened out and his heart no longer felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.

“Do you wish for me to help you back to bed?” Loki asked, his voice muted and soft. Thor straightened up and shook his head, leaning back against the cabinets, running his hands over his face. Loki got to his feet and went back to the sink, turning on the tap.

Thor watched him for a moment. He looked to his hands, which were still shaking. His entire body was wracked with tremors and Thor was suddenly overwhelmed with frustration and anger.

“Why didn’t you run?” he snapped, drawing Loki’s attention to him. The trickster frowned, obviously not understanding the question.

“Pardon?”

“With the other refugees,” Thor tried to clarify. “When Thanos attacked us. You should have run! Why didn’t you!?”

Loki sighed and rubbed his brow with the back of his hand. “Thor—”

“How could you do that? How could you force me to watch you die _again_!? Do you truly hate me that much!? How can you be that damn cruel!?” Thor demanded and Loki glared at him.

“Do you really think so little of me to believe that I could _ever_ leave you to Thanos? Knowing what the mad titan was capable of? Yes, it was a desperate foolish gamble, but I could not stand by while he tortured you, Thor. I’m sorry you had to see that and I’m sorry you thought I was dead, really I am, but if I had to go back and do it again, I would do no different. I made the right choice, whether you admit it or not. If I had to give my life, I was more than willing to do so. I couldn’t stand by and let you die.”

“BUT I DID DIE!” Thor yelled and Loki flinched as if he’d been struck. “Thanos killed me, Loki! You didn’t have to take that sort of foolish risk. You should have run away! It’s your fault I’m in this state!”

The trickster narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together tightly, damming up the cutting words that wanted to escape him. He wouldn’t fight with Thor, not when he was still coming down from an anxiety attack. Loki turned his attention back to cleaning the skillet, his entire form rigid. He pulled the skillet out of the sink and moved over to the garbage, taking a spatula to scrape out the burned eggs sticking to the surface.

Thor sighed softly. “I’m sorry, brother. I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s fine,” Loki muttered as he focused on his task. “You’re tired. You need more sleep, Thor.”

Thor swallowed and started twisting his fingers together. It was true. He hadn’t been sleeping much. Last night was the first sleep he’d had in two days and it had only been a few hours, nowhere near enough. The sleep-deprivation meant Loki had to shoulder most of Thor’s leadership responsibilities. The trickster had been surprisingly patient and didn’t complain. Still, it wasn’t fair to Loki to expect him to take care of both New Asgard and Thor.

“Loki?” Thor said, watching as Loki crossed the kitchen and returned to the sink.

“What is it, Thor?” the trickster replied as he turned the tap back on. Thor played with his fingers a little more, trying to figure out how best to broach the topic he wanted to bring up. It was something he had been thinking about a lot over the past few days and had been working up the nerve to speak to his brother about it. He had a sinking feeling Loki wouldn’t react well. The god of thunder swallowed, gathering his nerve.

“I’m not getting better. I’ve had eight panic episodes over the past few days,” Thor started.

“It takes time to adjust. It’s difficult now, but it will get easier. You are healing, even if it doesn’t seem like it,” Loki insisted and, if he had been feeling better, Thor might have smiled at the trickster’s surety. Sometimes his brother’s stubbornness warmed his heart.

“It has been more than a year, Loki. And it has only gotten worse. It _has_ been getting steadily worse,” Thor continued. “I could have burned the house down just now.”

“Then stay away from the damn stove,” Loki grumbled, frustration creeping into his voice. “We’ll figure something out for meals until you feel up to cooking again.”

The god of thunder studied his brother, who was scrubbing the skillet. He was grateful to the trickster, so grateful, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty for being such a burden.

“Loki, I cannot be a good and effective leader in the state I’m in right now. I can’t fulfill my duties and responsibilities,” Thor continued, swallowing as he decided to dive right in. “I was speaking with Banner over the phone and…he mentioned there are places on Midgard for people who are struggling with such ailments as what I have—”

Loki dropped the skillet, splashing water and soap suds everywhere. He turned wide green eyes to his brother, staring at him as though Thor just announced he wanted to marry a Bilgesnipe. A mirade of emotions flashed across his face as his mouth dropped open.

“Are you…are you honestly telling me that you want to check yourself into a Midgardian madhouse?”

Thor swallowed, his brow furrowing. “I don’t believe that’s what they’re called.”

“But that’s what they are,” Loki replied, anger creeping into his voice. He clenched his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he were dealing with a headache. “So, let me get this straight: you have had a few bad days and want to give up already. That’s fantastic, Thor. Have you completely forgotten about your duties to the Asgardians? Are you planning on ruling from an asylum? Or are you expecting me to take on that responsibility as well?”

“Loki, please,” Thor said. “I’m so tired.”

“Then sleep.”

Thor was quiet for a moment. “It’s not that kind of tired.”

Loki’s eyes widened for a split second, understanding dawning in his expression. Then his usual nonchalant mask fell back into place and he turned back to the sink.

“Speak with the healers, get their opinion. But you can’t just give up, Thor. You can’t do that,” Loki muttered. Thor noticed his normally steady hands were shaking and his jaw was clenched. It was a sign that Thor was treading on dangerous ground. The god of thunder knew they had to have this discussion though. He wouldn’t put his brother in more danger, never again.

“Loki—”

“I JUST GOT YOU BACK! YOU CAN’T LEAVE AGAIN!” Loki yelled. The sudden and violent outburst made Thor jerk back, stunned. Even Loki seemed surprised as his eyes widened and he took an unsteady step back. For a while, they stood in silence and the only sound was the tap running.

Then, Loki stepped over to the sink and turned the tap off, standing there for a moment. His shoulders were tense and he grasped the edge of the counter tightly. Letting out a strangled laugh, Loki ran his hands over his face, shaking his head.

“You know what? Do what you want, Thor. Like always,” Loki grumbled. “Leave me with all this responsibility and just…do whatever you want.”

The trickster turned and started to make his way out of the kitchen, ignoring his brother’s call to him. Thor sighed and thumped his head back against the cabinets, closing his eye. He winced when he heard the bathroom door slam and heard Loki filling up the bathtub. It was going to take his brother a while to cool down and Thor decided to give him space. That was usually the best thing to do when Loki was in a mood.

After a moment, Thor pushed himself to his feet, checking his balance. He still felt a little unsteady, but not enough to prevent him from doing chores. Mundane tasks would help clear his mind, maybe help him think of another solution to the quandary.

So Thor started by putting away the groceries that Loki had dropped in the front hall. He noticed Loki had brought home even more files concerning the running of New Asgard and scooped up the papers the trickster had dropped on the floor in his rush to find the source of the smoke. Thor made a mental note to go over them later, when he was feeling steadier. He placed them on the kitchen table, where he knew he wouldn’t forget about them.

After the groceries were put away, Thor next turned his attention to the dishes and finished washing the skillet. He tidied up the kitchen and put a kettle on. When he was finishing up in the kitchen, he heard the tub draining. He pulled down Loki’s favorite mug and put it on the counter.

Glancing over his shoulder, he heard the sharp scratch of pencil across paper. Loki was drawing in the main room of their house. The loud violent scratching noises indicated the trickster was still angry. An idea started to take shape in Thor’s mind, but he needed a little time to form it and he knew Loki wouldn’t be in the mood to talk just yet. The kettle started whistling and Thor took it off the burner.

Striding out to the main area of the small home, Thor spotted Loki sitting on the couch with a sketchpad, scribbling with his pencil. The trickster didn’t even look at him, his eyes remaining fixed on the page.

“I’m going to do some laundry, brother,” Thor told him. Loki didn’t respond or react to the god of thunder. Thor sighed and moved to their bedroom, grabbing the basket with the clothes that needed to be washed. When he came back out, Loki was no longer on the couch but Thor could hear him fixing tea in the kitchen.

Thor stepped into the kitchen and moved to the short flight of stairs that led to their laundry room, descending them to the small space. Once he got the washing machine going, Thor pulled out his cell phone and texted Banner. The god of thunder closed his eye and turned around, leaning against the dryer, rubbing the back of his neck. He was exhausted in every way and felt like he was about to drop. Truth be told, the feeling of responsibility was the only thing that was keeping him going at the moment. Thor didn’t think that was healthy and he certainly didn’t like feeling that way.

Sinking down so that he was sitting on the cool smooth floor, Thor thought about his brother upstairs. The trickster had only just recovered from the outbreak of a virus a few weeks ago. While Loki had been ill, Thor had been so preoccupied with caring for his brother that he didn’t notice how little he slept. It was only when Loki pointed it out that Thor realized it. He tried to reassure the trickster that he was fine and slept when Loki did, but he knew his brother didn’t buy it. Loki was the god of lies and the god of thunder had never been able to fool him.

Thor knew his nightmares were starting to affect Loki as well. He had lost count of how many times he had woken Loki in the middle of the night over the past few weeks. The trickster would sit with him until Thor fell asleep again and if he couldn’t, the trickster would curl up next to him, which often seemed to lull the god of thunder to sleep. Thor was rather surprised with the trickster’s patience. That had never been something Thor had thought of when he thought of his brother. Loki had never been one for affection either. He would allow Frigga to hug, kiss, and fret over him as much as she wanted. Thor would occasionally be allowed to hug the trickster, if Loki was in a particularly good mood, but that was it. Anything more was likely to result in a stabbing.

Since Thor came back though, Loki seemed much more willing to be hugged and clung to. When he was in a state of panic, Thor would often grab his brother without even realizing it, but the trickster never protested. If Thor weren’t in such a state, then Loki would grumble and squirm, making his displeasure known. But even then, he wouldn’t cast an illusion or shove Thor away as he had often done in the past.

_“YOU CAN’T LEAVE AGAIN!”_

Loki was hard to read, but there was no denying the pain in those words. His brother was so good at acting like he didn’t care, like nothing bothered him. He’d certainly fooled Thor for many years. When he’d first returned from Wakanda, Thor slept for an entire day, as did Loki. The god of thunder remembered the way Loki clutched his arm, refusing to let go, as if he were afraid Thor was going to disappear.

When Thor started experiencing panic episodes, Loki was unfazed. No matter how bad they were, the trickster was unflappable. Despite being naturally standoffish, Loki would allow Thor to cling to him, grasping him as though he were a life raft in the middle of a vast body of water. And he was always so calm. That calmness was what Thor was most curious about. His brother could be cold and calculating, but he was also rather high-strung and prone to dramatics. The god of thunder never expected his brother to possess such an enormous amount of patience.

 _Perhaps it’s not patience. Perhaps it’s experience,_ Thor thought. He remembered Gamora telling him of the tortures Loki would have been subjected to while in Thanos’ employ, what the titan would have done to break the clever trickster. Tears came unbidden to Thor’s eye and he sniffled, swiping them away. He hated thinking about that: his brother in pain and Thor being helpless to aid him. They had never spoken of Loki’s time with Thanos, mostly because the trickster had requested Thor not ask him.

 _“I will tell you anything you like and I will be as truthful as I can. I only ask that you not ask me about Thanos and my time with him. I wish to leave the past in the past,”_ Loki had said shortly after Thor had returned. Since Thanos had fallen, Thor thought it best to respect his brother’s wishes. Still, he had a natural instinct to take care of and protect his brother.

Thor sat quietly, waiting for the wash to finish up, allowing the rhythmic thump of the machine to soothe him. He nodded off eventually, sitting in the quiet peace of the laundry room.

He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but he woke up to the sound of the washing machine lid creaking open. Glancing to the side, he noticed Loki standing over him, pulling damp clothes out of the machine and tossing them roughly into the dryer.

“The cycle ended,” he grumbled, not looking at Thor. “I figured I should check to make sure you didn’t set it on fire too.”

Thor swallowed and looked ahead at the wall. It was a low blow, but perhaps a deserved one. His brother didn’t often go for such an easy target, preferring to use his sharp tongue and sharper mind to wound. Going for such an easy target was something Loki did when he was too tired or too angry to think of anything better.

The god of thunder winced when the trickster slammed the dryer door closed and pressed the button on the machine. The dryer hummed as it started and Loki moved to leave the room.

“Loki—”

“Your phone was buzzing,” Loki called over his shoulder as he started up the steps. “Brunnhilde dropped off dinner a short time ago, if you’re hungry.”

“Brother, can we please talk?” Thor asked.

“No,” Loki answered bluntly before disappearing upstairs. _He is such a damn child sometimes,_ Thor thought, annoyed. Pulling out his phone, Thor glanced at the screen. There was a response from Banner and as Thor read it, he felt a small spark of hope blossom in his chest. Slowly rising to his feet, Thor winced at the ache in his back and legs. Stretching his arms above his head, he worked the kinks out of his back and took a deep breath. Steeling his resolve, Thor made his way up the stairs.

Upon reaching the kitchen, he noticed dishes in the sink, indicating Loki had already eaten. It didn’t surprise the god of thunder. His brother often preferred solitude to being with someone who had annoyed him. Glancing into the main area of the house, Thor saw Loki was once again on the couch, focused on his drawing pad. He was no longer stabbing the damn paper with his pencil though. Now the pencil was gliding smoothly over the page in controlled graceful movements, indicating that the trickster had calmed down. Loki certainly looked less rigid and tense than he had earlier. He was resting his head between his thumb and index finger, illuminated by the lamp beside him.

Thor cautiously entered the main area and grabbed the nearest chair, pulling it a little closer to the couch, while still respecting Loki’s space. The trickster didn’t acknowledge him.

“I have a compromise for you, brother,” Thor mentioned.

“Oh?” Loki replied in a dangerously calm voice. “Should I be worried about a second Ragnarok? You willingly thinking of a compromise. Truly this is a historic day.”

Thor bit his tongue to prevent himself from snapping at his stubborn brother. Loki raised an eyebrow, a sign that he was more than willing to continue fighting.

“Loki, please,” Thor said softly, watching his brother for a moment. “Will you at least do me the courtesy of looking at me?”

The trickster raised his green eyes, looking at his brother, his lips set in a thin straight line.

“As you know, Banner has decided to take up permanent residence here—” Thor began. Loki scoffed as he looked back to the page he had been sketching on, erasing something he’d drawn.

“That should do _wonders_ for insurance rates,” Loki grumbled, sweeping the side of his hand across the paper to remove some eraser shavings.

“He and Eir are in charge of the hospital and they’re currently interviewing for the position of a full-time psychiatrist and psychologist for citizens with mental illnesses,” Thor mentioned and noticed Loki paused briefly before continuing with his drawing. “I have spoken with Banner and they have already found a psychiatrist who will be starting work at the hospital next week. I am going to call and see if I can set up an appointment at her earliest convenience.”

Loki raised his eyes again and studied his brother, meeting Thor’s gaze. The god of thunder cleared his throat and rubbed his palms together, looking down briefly.

“Brother, I am truly grateful to you, for all you do, both for me and for New Asgard. But, even you have your limits. I do not think what’s afflicting me is something I can handle on my own, not even with your help,” Thor continued, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. He was keenly aware of his brother watching him and glanced at the trickster. Loki’s expression was neutral, which Thor took to be a good sign.

“My plan is to have a regular appointment with this psychiatrist, see if I can manage this condition here in New Asgard,” Thor explained, looking to his brother. “But Loki, you must understand, if she suggests I need more help, I may not have a choice but to go somewhere with doctors who have more experience with this.”

The trickster was quiet for a long time before finally whispering, “I know.”

Thor looked up at him and was surprised to see Loki looked troubled. Loki very rarely looked unsure or uneasy, having an excess confidence that often became arrogance. The trickster’s brow furrowed as he studied his brother.

“Thor, I want you to be honest with me: do you think…do you believe being in that sort of facility would help you?”

“Honestly? I do not know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or how to fix it or what would help,” Thor admitted.

“I…don’t think what’s afflicting you is something that can be fixed,” Loki mentioned softly. “I think it’s something you learn how to live with.”

Thor smiled a little. “If I have to go away, it won’t be permanent and you would be able to visit.”

Loki let out a huff of laughter. “Who says I’d want to?”

Thor grinned and moved over to the couch, pulling his brother into his arms, even as Loki squirmed and protested. “I know you love me, brother. You’d visit every day in whatever way you could.”

“Do you know how much work running this place is? I’d be lucky to be able to visit once,” Loki growled. “Would you unhand me, you ridiculous oaf? I’m still mad at you.”

Thor laughed and released his brother, who straightened up and smoothed his clothes. For a while, they just sat quietly. The god of thunder sighed and sank down in the couch, resting the backs of his hands on his head, listening to the calm strokes of his brother’s pencil across the paper. Cracking one eye open, Thor peered over at the page. Loki was drawing some kind of landscape.

“Is that New Asgard?” Thor asked, curious.

“It is,” Loki replied, not looking away from the page. Thor frowned as he looked at the trickster.

“Normally you draw scenes of Asgard, for the tomes and such,” he mentioned. Loki nodded.

“Preserving history is important, but I also like to capture scenes of our new home,” Loki replied. “Our present and future is just as important as our past.”

Thor smiled and closed his eye again, relaxing. He hoped sleep wouldn’t be elusive.

_*_

Loki awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of his brother thrashing and crying in his sleep. Yawning, the trickster threw back the covers and rose from his bed, silently moving across the small room to Thor’s bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress, sniffling as he tried to shake the cobwebs out of his mind. Reaching out, Loki found his brother’s hand and grasped it. Thor whimpered, his body wracked with tremors.

 _“_ _If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he cannot find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.”_

Loki could hear the unpleasant voice of The Other taunting him. What a fool the trickster had been, assuming he knew or could even predict what Thanos would do. No, the mad titan’s malice far exceeded the trickster’s own. Loki couldn’t even comprehend the levels of cruelty Thanos had been capable of. He thought the threat had been directed at him. Perhaps at the time it was, before Thanos found a far more effective way to torture the trickster.

Loki had never even considered Thanos would target Thor in such a way. For one thing, Loki’s act of not caring about anything had been so good that he’d fooled even himself. For another, the trickster hadn’t thought his brother could be broken so completely. Thor always seemed invincible, unable to be defeated. Nothing could beat him and Loki had always been jealous of that. Loki had never seen his brother so affected by a battle or an enemy before.

_“No more resurrections.”_

Loki had been frightened in that moment, unsure if he’d be able to escape with his life. The trickster didn’t often think of that day, preferring to leave the past in the past. The one thing that was most vivid in his mind from that awful day was his brother’s muffled screaming. He had screamed and thrashed like a madman, frantic and desperate. At first, Loki thought one of the Black Order was killing Thor. Surely the god of thunder didn’t care about him _that_ much, not after everything that Loki had done throughout their lives. Then he realized Thor’s cries were for him, the horror of what he was witnessing, or what Thor thought he was witnessing: the death of his last remaining family.

Loki hadn’t realized it at the time, but that was when the mad titan had broken the god of thunder. That was when Thanos crushed Thor completely. And then…then he had taken Thor’s life, but not before Loki found him again. Not before the trickster could see exactly what Thanos had done to the god of thunder. Not before Loki had a chance to witness his brother’s pain. Not before Loki understood this was his punishment for keeping the Tesseract from Thanos.

Thanos wouldn’t kill Loki, oh no. He allowed the trickster to believe he’d been victorious, that he’d fooled Thanos, that he’d won. Loki was so confident, so arrogant, and that was what Thanos had wanted. The mad titan _wanted_ Loki to feel triumph, just before he ripped it away.

This was how Thanos punished Loki: he crushed his brother in such a way that Loki was powerless to help him. For all his magic and skill, the trickster couldn’t heal Thor. Thanos had not just taken his brother’s life. He had taken everything from the god of thunder so in the unlikely event Thor came back, he would still suffer. He would still be hurting and Loki would be unable to help him.

Thor whimpered, his head thrashing from side to side. Loki held his hand, gently squeezing as he attempted to reassure his brother he was there. _You may have won the war, but I still took your brother,_ he could hear Thanos’ unpleasant voice taunting him from beyond. _He will never be the same again. Thor will be forever scarred and you remain helpless. I will take your brother from you yet, pathetic Asgardian traitor. Give up and run, run away like you always do._

Loki gritted his teeth. _Never._

Comfort and care didn’t come naturally to Loki. If he were the one suffering from such episodes, Thor would know exactly what to do and how to help. Thor had always known how to take care of people, to the point of actually enjoying it. He was definitely Frigga’s son.

But things didn’t affect Loki in quite the same way as they affected Thor. He was sometimes nervous, yes, he sometimes felt fear or experienced bad memories, but they didn’t haunt him the way they did his brother. Loki had spent so long taking care of only himself and being on his own that he really had no idea how to take care of someone else. He had never wanted to before and he wasn’t entirely sure when that had changed, but it had. Thor was traumatized and Loki wanted to help him, but had no idea how or if he even could.

“No!” Thor cried out in his sleep and Loki reached over, gently running his fingers through his brother’s short hair. He softly shushed him, doing his best to be comforting, which still felt so peculiar and unnatural. This was not something he was meant to do. Loki was relying heavily on his memories of their mother, trying to do what Frigga would do. He wasn’t certain that was doing any good.

The trembling got more violent so Loki shook his brother, calling his name. Thor’s eye snapped open and he drew in his breath sharply, tears flooding down his face. His eye darted around the shadows of their room. After a moment, Thor pulled the blankets a little closer and burrowed into them a little more, avoiding his brother’s eyes. Loki knew Thor still sometimes felt ashamed after having a nightmare or a panic episode, so he waited patiently. Thor visibly swallowed and slowly let out his breath, glancing up at the trickster and smiling apologetically.

“I’m sorry, brother, did I wake you?” he whispered. Loki studied him for a moment and then shook his head.

“No. I…had a nightmare and I wondered if I might spend the night here?” Loki replied. Thor frowned, confusion reflected in his tired expression.

“You? Had a nightmare?” he asked skeptically and Loki raised an eyebrow.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

Thor just stared at him and Loki rolled his eyes. Norns, his brother was infuriating at times.

“Fine, I’ll just return—” Loki began as he made to rise to his feet. Thor’s hand shot out and latched onto his wrist.

“I’m sorry, brother. I haven’t been getting enough sleep and it has muddled my mind,” Thor mumbled around a yawn. “Of course you can sleep here tonight.”

He shuffled over slightly, making room for the trickster. Loki climbed under the covers, stretching out his long legs and shifting around until he found a comfortable spot. He closed his eyes and listened to the quiet in the room.

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“What did you dream about?”

 _Damn,_ the trickster thought as his tired mind struggled to come up with a believable answer quickly. “That last battle in Wakanda, finding you mortally wounded and being unable to save you.”

“Oh,” Thor said and he already sounded half-asleep. Loki considered asking him what he’d dreamt of, but he could still feel small tremors racing through Thor’s body. He moved a little closer to his brother. Thor turned on his side and draped an arm over the trickster, holding him close.

“I’m here, brother,” Thor whispered and Loki smiled a little.

“Borrowing my words, Thor?” he teased and heard Thor chuckle. The tremors racing through the god of thunder were gradually started to become less noticeable. Loki listened as Thor’s breathing evened out and his brother fell into a peaceful sleep. A faint grin still played on Loki’s lips.

Thanos had truly been a fool. He had underestimated Thor’s strength and Loki’s determination. The trickster enjoyed seemingly unsolvable riddles and dilemmas. They would figure this quandary out, together. Loki hadn’t lost his brother and he wouldn’t. He would help Thor get better. Thanos thought the trickster a selfish arrogant weakling, one easily manipulated. He’d easily fallen for Loki’s mask, the mask he wore of not caring about anything.

The mad titan didn’t realize that the trickster would move heaven and earth to protect that which he loved. Thanos hadn’t realized that Loki had as deep a love as Thor did, but the trickster was better at hiding it. The titan underestimated the strength that lay in the dark-haired god, as almost everyone did.

Loki had broken a few times in his life, but that was exactly how he knew one could survive it. He knew Thor would heal, even if the god of thunder doubted it.

Turning onto his side, Loki reached over and ran his fingers over Thor’s short hair, studying his brother’s sleeping countenance.

“You will get better, brother,” Loki whispered. “Whatever it takes, whatever we must do, you will be the leader you are destined to be and I shall be right beside you, helping you in whatever way I can. We shall make sure New Asgard and our people thrive, just as we were always meant to. I promise you, Thor.”

Loki turned onto his other side and pulled the covers up more. He felt Thor’s grasp tighten a little, pulling him a little closer and Loki smirked, shaking his head. He slowly closed his green eyes and was lulled to sleep by Thor’s steady breathing.

Loki was a survivor, he always had been. The trickster knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that his brother was too.

 

 

 

 

**_The End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I really love writing Loki out of his comfort zone. Also, I like exploring how Thor deals with anxiety and PTSD, even if it is incredibly difficult to write (this is early on. In my multi-chap fics, he's pretty much learned how to live with anxiety and is much more confident and sure of himself). 
> 
> Another thing I enjoy exploring is Loki really making an effort to fix things. He doesn't feel guilt, but he does know that he's at least partly to blame for Thanos and what the titan did to Thor. Also, by helping his brother, he's spiting Thanos. Loki is **_not_** going to allow Thanos any victory, even after death. Loki will not let Thanos win.
> 
> It was hard to write Thor lashing out at Loki and then Loki snapping at Thor, but I feel like the stress of their situation would result in the occasional sniping.
> 
> So, as mentioned above, comments and kudos are much welcomed and appreciated :)
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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